Leaving My Marriage & Finding Confidence Again

divorce embodiment emotions Jan 30, 2023
From the outside it seemed that I traded one chapter of my life for the next. Seemlessly. But here’s the truth.
I was navigating the emotional turmoil of a divorce that came loaded with judgement, miscommunication and abandonment, whilst simultaneously having no access to the businesses I had helped build. I naively had no bank account of my own, and so I found myself in a position where I couldn’t access my own money.
I was unwilling to enter into the court system to battle over assets (because honestly, I didn’t think I had the spiritual stamina at the time – I just needed to be free) so with some soul destroying mediation, I walked away from almost everything. I managed to take ownership of a property and with that behind me I faced a very uncertain future.
What I did next – is a whole story in itself.
To literally rebuild a life in a matter of months took grit, grace and resilience. It took courage and it took massive action day after day. I personally rallied troops within myself and went to war against complacency, hopelessness and self doubt.
It captured the interest of friends watching the signs of life I drip fed onto my social media platforms to show the world I was still alive. I hadn’t disappeared into the shadows of my divorce. I can understand that it must have seemed hard to keep up with – one minute I was one person living one life, and the next I was completely different. A new state of residence. A new relationship. A new business. A whole new existence. Nothing from my old life remained.
Externally, everything was going well. I had lifted the standards for my own life and life was responding accordingly.
Here is what often goes unnoticed – even when things are going well, even when you have things to be happy about and grateful for, it doesn’t instantly erase the negative emotions within you. It wasn’t a simple swap between two ways of living, two ways of being.

I was battling a war within myself. I wanted to remain focused on my future – but within me, the pain ran deep. Some days, I would wake up and the moment I opened my eyes, Id have only a few seconds of staring at my ceiling before the angst would hit me. It would take my breath away and I would curl up in a ball, denying that the day had begun.
Feeling pain, angst, anxiety, fear, overwhelm – it can be undeniable. You cant simply choose to shake it off, or think happier thoughts.
It is in recognising this that you can begin to acknowledge that the only way forward is with that pain. You might have no choice but to build your future with all of those feelings in tow.
You can make immediate progress the moment you allow yourself to feel ok about not feeling good.
Too often we judge ourselves harshly for the feelings we harbour within us. I decided that I didn’t have to pretend to not have those feelings. I gave myself grace to understand that feeling lost, confused, resentful, regretful, afraid, was all part of the process of processing a significant, life changing event. I wasn’t immune to this part of the human experience – so it made no sense to resist it.

Sometimes, to process what we have been through we need to seek professional guidance.
Sometimes you just have to give yourself the grace of feeling your feelings without judgement.
Create and hold space for those feelings and give yourself compassion and empathy.
Allow for those feelings and when you feel ready, begin exploring the thoughts behind them. Our emotions are generated by our thoughts. So in untangling our thoughts we can often understand our emotions rather than just feel them.
As I was experiencing success in building a new business from the ground up, I felt deeply deflated. As I began to bring awareness to the moments that I felt this way, I began to recognise that it was when I was telling myself “I have done all of this before. This is so unfair. I shouldn’t have to rebuild”.
As my business took off, it became harder to justify the emotions that were dragging me down. The way I felt didn’t match the new reality surrounding me.
It was those very thoughts that were plaguing me with deflation.
Inspired by the work of Byron Katie I realised that I didn’t have to drop those thoughts altogether, I just had to reframe them.
I learned how to process my thoughts, reframe them and generate emotions that would serve me. So in time, in telling myself “I have done all of this before” I no longer felt resentment. In fact, it began to become my personal mantra that made me courageous in the pursuit of growth.
However, the thought “I shouldn’t have to be rebuilding” couldn’t be reframed. I allowed myself to experience that feeling.
That permission allowed me to give myself the compassion I needed. I acknowledged that I had to meet the needs of the parts of me that were still hurting. I didn’t indulge them though. In recognising them I was able to work with those feelings.
Too often, and for too long we are told to look on the bright side. To be cup half full people. To think positive, be positive, live positive lives.
If you believe this, you will always react poorly to any negative emotion that shows up within you.
When you accept negative emotions as part of life, you have nothing to fear.
My negative emotions actually made me more compassionate. I am a kinder friend. It has made me a better partner because I consciously take responsibility for my own emotions, rather than requiring my man to generate the way I wish I would feel in any given moment. I am willing to simply own my own feelings.
If you can be ok with feeling uncertain – you reclaim your power. You wont be afraid of your emotions. You wont panic when you wake up in the morning and feel anxiety breathing on your neck.
There will always be things in our day that pop up and make us feel certain ways – it might be standing on the scales, looking at your bank account, checking your email, the dishes in the kitchen sink – these things might constantly trigger you into unhelpful emotions.
A lot of us have learned to be afraid of feeling uncertain and uncomfortable. A lot of us have been raised to repress these feelings. We have not been given the space and grace to express negative emotions without someone trying to convince us that our feelings aren’t valid, or that we should ignore those feelings altogether.
Confidence comes when you are no longer afraid of feeling negative emotions.
When you can allow for it and know that you can still move forward even with those feelings within you. That you can acknowledge anxiety, stress and overwhelm and still get up and do what you have to do in the day ahead of you to build a brighter tomorrow.
Negative feelings do not expose your weakness. They expose your humanity. This human experience is yours to explore. The good, the bad and the in between.
If you are overwhelmed, anxious and feeling awful about everything right now – give yourself the grace of space to feel that.
Allow for your feelings to coexist with your potential. Your potential lies within you, no matter how you feel. Your potential wont be denied.
Better days are coming.
ps this February I am sharing a workshop guiding you through the work of Byron Katie AND delivering a Somatic Activated Healing Session inspired by her teachings in LOVING WHAT IS. This is going to be POWERFUL and Im so excited to be sharing this - it feels big, important and truly impactful.

Members of my ACTIVATED membership will have access to it, join here now :

Watch a free workshop now!


19 minute transmission from the heart of Lena Moxon. 
Activating your willingness to step up as the leader of your own life & write the next chapter of your story.

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