Learning to love the worst parts of yourself

embodiment emotions sahmethod selflove Jan 01, 2023

Last year I intentionally reconnected with the part of me I had unconsciously shamed for the last 21 years with the desire to begin to heal.

At 14 my behaviour could be considered reckless. I became sexually active, stopped going to school, lied constantly about my whereabouts & withdrew all interest from any hobbies I had. I was caught in my own clumsy web of lies and labelled a liar, unreliable, untrustworthy, a deviant.

What I have come to learn, to understand and to appreciate is that these behaviours were in response to a big, impactful event that fundamentally changed my perception of myself and the world at that age. The rug was swept out from underneath my feet as the people I had trusted as caretakers made very careless choices and I was left to try and organise the chaos within my mind, heart and body.

When something life changing happens and no one supports you in finding ways to cope in a timely manner – you find your own ways.

At 14, I had no point of reference for how to make myself feel better in ways that weren’t ultimately destructive.

I had spent my entire life believing that the choices I made at that age were shameful and I worked hard to redeem myself – proving myself in ways that would create a new identity

*cue over achieving, hyper independence, materialistic gain to demonstrate success*

I left the parts of me that had been deeply wounded behind, working tirelessly to outwork the bitterness I could taste anytime I wasn’t enjoying the sweet reward of my own productivity. If I wasn’t becoming “the best me” there was a fear that I would be revealed as the disappointing, broken, deviant I was.

I have STILL never told my closest friends or my husband about what occurred at that time. It’s a deep wound that Im not willing to expose yet.

When you spend 21 years surpressing something – its not easy to excavate that shit.

As I became a certified Somatic Activated Healer under the wisdom, guidance and instruction of @sahdsimone I have learned to go beyond “identifying” how I feel and why and actual begin to transform my relationship with what has occurred and the way it has impacted me.

I believe in our freedom 🙏💚

Watch a free workshop now!

 BREAK FREE FROM NEGATIVITY AND DRAMA CYCLES

19 minute transmission from the heart of Lena Moxon. 
Activating your willingness to step up as the leader of your own life & write the next chapter of your story.

We hate SPAM. We will never sell your information, for any reason.