What happens next? Not in the next life… here in this one.Jan 02, 2023
I have caused a whole lot of chaos and destruction in my world flipping tables figuratively and literally at the devastation that raged through me again and again when I realised that I still felt overwhelmed, vulnerable, anxious and scared of how this all ends…
Like what happens next? Not in the next life… here in this one.
What if im making terrible mistakes my future self is going to have to deal with and what if I don’t have anyone around to help me and what if I can’t afford the help I’ll need?
Terrified by the thought of a problem I can’t solve. If you have witnessed loss you couldn’t fill then you might know this pain.
I have worked so hard from the age of 14 years old to create financial security and safety because I watched horrified as my parents nearly lost it all in their desire for more.
I became determined to live a life playing above the line, nothing dodgey, nothing that could be taken away from me. Hell, I have still never had a personal credit card because it feels safer to buy everything outright because then no one can claim ownership over what’s mine.
A divorce at 29 years old saw my worst fears realised. Incredible loss. I had worked for 15 years - literally from the time I was 14 years old until I was 29 to have the life of safety and stability I had created for myself … and it was stripped from me.
I had never felt safe in what I had created anyway. I always felt like it needed to be more.
I could reflect for ever more on the ways I searched for safety but never felt safe.
The safety I was looking for revealed itself to me when I learned how to turn inwards. To be in divine connection with my inner being. To reclaim the power of my innate goodness and feel into the provision of my own faith in the qualities of my own heart.
I am safe now in the experience of me.
That no matter what occurs outside of me, I have me.
I get to be me.
You get to be you. If that doesn’t make you smile it’s likely because you are still identifying with what you have or do rather than who you truly be in this life.
You were made for you.
You are everything you need.
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